You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
