I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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