no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
