last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
