you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
