I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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