I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
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i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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