I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
