I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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