Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
