Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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