Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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