the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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