Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize