can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
