a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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