I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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