And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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