Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize