I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
