seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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