our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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