he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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