why didn't you poke me back
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
