he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
