the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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