dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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