I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
