I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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