Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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