Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my poor anus
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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