Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
