I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
