WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize