i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
