marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize