I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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