ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
