It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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