So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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