When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
