kristin has been a bad kristin
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
