i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
