So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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