Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
