If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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