How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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