It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
