hell yes lets make some ravioli
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How naked do you want me to be?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
