So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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