moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
