i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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