He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there's paper in my vomit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
