i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
