I can tuck mytits in my pants
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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