I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
