Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
well, you know. whores of a feather.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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