Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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